allamaraine replied to your post “annnnnd then someone broke into my house. i spent a lot of saturday…”
Oh wow, I’m sorry. I’m glad you and the kitties are both safe though! *hugs*
it’s like, why do i even have a hairless cat if she isn’t going to terrify intruders???? (jk jk. if she hadn’t turned up in the neighbor’s house - IN THE NEIGHBOR’S HOUSE, still not over it - i would not have been even a little bit okay, so… i guess she can stay, even if she’s useless in a crisis.)
COME SLEEP AT MY HOUSE. also i think you can totally make a deal out of this, your house got broken into, like. shitty. super shitty. blerf. <3 <3 <3
*climbs onto dragon’s back* TO KK’S HOUSE!
annnnnd then someone broke into my house.
i spent a lot of saturday resting and meditating and walking; it was a really nice day, and i went out that evening feeling like i was moving through that anxious space i’ve been in lately. when i came back, my cats were gone and my basement door was ajar and a window was broken and a lot of my things were missing, big empty spaces where they should have been, and at first i just stood in the doorway saying, ‘fuck. FUCK.’ over and over.
then i called my best friend - ‘wait, what?’ - and the police - ‘how we doing tonight?’ ‘well, i just called the police, so i guess i’ve been better?’ - and my neighbors all came over at 10:30pm to stand in the flashing blue lights of my front lawn with me while officers checked to make sure there was no one under my bed, dusted my windowsills for fingerprints, told me which locks had been broken and which screens had been pried.
(the cats are fine: ayla had hidden herself really, really well - good girl - and ophelia had infiltrated a neighbor’s house, was sitting on her couch meowing happily, much to my neighbor’s delight, thankfully, thankfully. that was a fun text. ’i think your cat is… in my house? either that or i’ve discovered a really friendly alien.’)
in any case. i’m safe and kittens are safe and nothing was taken that was sentimental or irreplaceable, so i feel like i shouldn’t make a big deal about it. locks are being replaced, an alarm system is being installed, everything is fine! everything. is. fine.
still though. i don’t think i can sleep.
well i have a new goal
'first say to yourself what you would be, and then do what you have to do.'
also never in my life have i felt more validated than when my therapist described my psychic interior as ‘a clusterfuck.’
list of reasons i am going to be okay:
- my therapist managed to convince me i was not dying while i had a panic attack in front of her this afternoon, helped me work out some strategies for when i dissociate, & managed to reframe some really shitty things in a way that was not dismissive of their shittiness but left open the possibility of a future in which i am okay, because she is really fucking good at her job
- sapphoshands sent me pictures of baby animules all day long to cheer me up <3 <3 <3
- this time next week i will be on vacation
- i have already eaten a food this evening so at least i don’t have to worry about that
- god my cello is really pretty, have you seen my cello? she’s really pretty.
- i have beer and television and there are people in the world who love me and ruth bader ginsburg is still on the bench and i exist in the same time-space continuum as nana visitor’s hands and when you think hard enough about that last one i mean really probably we are all going to be okay
hahahahahaha have managed to spend the entire morning crying and on the edge of a massive panic attack for no fucking reason whatsoever
life hack: never ever ever leave the house or speak to another human ever again